Election Stress: When Politics Gets Under Your Skin

College conference trip to Washington, D.C., with fellow students gathered near the White House.

Election season has a way of turning up the volume.

The signs get bigger. The mailers show up more often. The calls and texts start coming. Political ads interrupt our shows and fill our social media feeds. People around us start talking more about candidates, parties, policies, and what could happen next.

Some of it can inspire us. Some of it can pull us in. Some of it can make us angry, afraid, or disgusted. And some of us simply get tired of hearing about it.

That makes sense.

Election stress does not arrive in an empty life. It lands on top of the stress that is already there.

And in some ways, political tension can feel especially familiar because it often mirrors the same tension we already experience in our homes, relationships, workplaces, and within ourselves.

Election Stress Turns Up the Volume

A few summers ago, I was riding around in my Jeep with a friend.

We liked each other. We respected each other. Our politics leaned in different directions.

At some point, we started talking about politicians and public policy.

As she tried to make sense of people on the other side, her thinking seemed to come down to two choices:

Were these people really that clueless?

Or did they know what they were doing and simply not care about the harm they caused?

In simpler terms:

Are they stupid, or are they evil?

Something about that stayed with me.

Not because I agreed with her.

Because I had heard people who leaned more toward my own politics talk about the other side in almost the exact same way.

How could anybody believe that?

They cannot really think this is a good idea.

Do they not understand what this will do?

Or do they understand and just not care?

Different politics. Same reaction.

That conversation gave me something useful to think about.

Sometimes another person’s point of view becomes so hard for us to understand that we stop seeing it as a different point of view.

We begin seeing it as proof that something is wrong with the person.

And that does not happen only across the political aisle.

It happens across the kitchen table too.

Political Stress Does Not Stay in Politics

Recently, I met someone who lives near Harrisburg.

Politics came up.

Their reaction was immediate.

They were tired of it.

The signs. The ads. The calls. The mail. The arguing. The way politics seems to find its way into everything during election season.

They wanted a break.

A lot of people can relate.

In the American Psychological Association’s 2024 Stress in America survey, 69% of adults said the presidential election was a significant source of stress. About one-third said the political climate had strained family relationships. Those concerns were not limited to one political party. Democrats, Republicans, and independents all reported political stress and concern about strained relationships.

That matters because it reminds us that election stress is not simply something “the other side” experiences badly.

It is a human response.

Politics does not stay in Washington.

It comes home with us.

And election stress is not only another item on our list of problems.

It can echo problems we already know.

We may already be worried about money, health, work, our relationships, our children, or our future.

Then another message shows up telling us that something important is under threat.

Another person is to blame.

Another decision could change everything.

Another fight needs our attention.

It adds tension.

And it mirrors tension.

Across the Aisle and Across the Kitchen Table

Listen to political language for a few minutes and you will hear a lot about winning and losing.

Attacking. Defending. Taking sides. Exposing the opposition. Standing your ground.

That language can make sense in a competitive political campaign.

It is often a poor model for a relationship.

Your spouse is not the opposition party.

Your child is not a hostile government.

Your coworker is not an enemy nation.

Your friend does not have to lose so that you can win.

And diplomacy is not only for countries.

Diplomacy is for relationships too.

Every relationship brings together two different people.

Two histories. Two nervous systems. Two sets of values. Two sets of needs. Two ways of seeing the world.

Healthy diplomacy does not mean giving up what matters to you.

It means being able to recognize what matters to someone else while remaining clear about yourself.

That can sound like:

What matters to you here?

Here is what matters to me.

This is where I think we agree.

This is where I see it differently.

Here is the boundary I need.

What can we do from here?

That is very different from asking:

How do I win this argument?

The Message Is Not Always the Whole Message

Political messaging also gives us a useful mirror.

Consider phrases such as:

Pro-life. Pro-choice. Gun rights. Gun safety. Illegal immigrant. Undocumented immigrant. Election integrity. Voting rights.

Each phrase points our attention somewhere.

One may point toward freedom.

Another toward safety.

One toward fairness.

Another toward law and order.

People can sincerely believe that their preferred wording best describes what matters most in the issue.

And the words still shape what we notice.

Something similar happens in our personal lives.

Your partner says:

“You forgot again.”

You hear:

“You do not care about me.”

A parent says:

“I’m worried about you.”

You hear:

“You do not trust me.”

Someone gives you feedback.

You hear:

“You think I am a failure.”

The words are one part of the conversation.

The meaning we add can become another.

That is one reason it can help to slow down and ask:

What was actually said?

What meaning am I adding?

That small pause can create room for a very different response.

Political Rhetoric Can Be a Poor Model for Relationships

Politics often gives us examples of communication that may be effective at getting attention and far less effective at keeping people connected.

Relationship researcher John Gottman describes four patterns that can become especially harmful in close relationships:

Criticism. Defensiveness. Contempt. Stonewalling.

Criticism attacks the person rather than addressing a specific problem. Defensiveness often shifts responsibility away. Contempt communicates disrespect. Stonewalling means withdrawing or shutting down.

Listen to political rhetoric and these patterns can be easy to recognize.

“They are idiots.”

Criticism.

“Look what your side did first.”

Defensiveness.

“Those people are disgusting.”

Contempt.

“There is no point even talking to them.”

Stonewalling.

Now move those same habits across the kitchen table.

“You never think about anyone except yourself.”

“Well, you do the same thing.”

“I cannot believe I have to explain this to you.”

“Forget it. I’m done talking.”

Different setting.

Similar pattern.

And none of us is above it.

Under enough stress, most people can become more defensive, more rigid, or less curious.

Recognizing that is not an excuse.

It is a place to begin.

Election Stress and the Need for Control

There is another tension underneath election season.

Most of us want to believe leadership matters.

We want people in power to make good decisions.

We want policies that improve life for our families and communities.

That means political power matters.

And once power matters, the possibility of someone we deeply distrust gaining it can feel threatening.

Our thinking can quickly become:

If the right people win, things can get better.

If the wrong people win, things can get worse.

An election can begin to feel like everything is at stake.

Safety. Freedom. Money. Fairness. Family. The future.

That can create a great deal of emotional pressure around something no individual voter controls.

You can vote.

You can learn.

You can volunteer.

You can advocate.

You can donate.

You can talk with other people.

You cannot control millions of other voters.

That brings us to another kind of government.

How Are You Governing Yourself?

We spend a lot of time during election season asking how the country should be governed.

There is another government much closer to home.

How are you governing yourself?

Every day, you make policies for your own life.

You decide what gets your attention.

You decide which thoughts receive more energy.

You decide what happens when anger shows up.

You decide what happens when fear shows up.

You decide how you treat your body.

You decide how you spend your money.

You decide how you use your time.

You decide how you respond when someone disagrees with you.

That is self-government.

At Authentic Wellness & Empowerment, we look at wellness across the physical, intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, and financial parts of life.

You can think of those areas almost like departments in your own government.

Where are your resources going?

Is your physical health receiving sleep, movement, food, and care?

What are you feeding your mind?

Are your emotions being noticed without being placed completely in charge?

Are your relationships receiving time and attention?

Are your spiritual values showing up in the way you live?

Are your financial choices helping build the future you want?

Political campaigns spend a lot of time deciding where to put resources.

So do we.

Our resources are time, attention, energy, money, and behavior.

They are limited.

It helps to spend them on purpose.

Stay in the Adult

Transactional Analysis gives us another useful idea: the Adult ego state.

The Adult works with what is happening now.

It looks for information.

It notices emotions.

It considers options.

It can tolerate the fact that more than one thing may be true at the same time.

And it does not have to turn every disagreement into an emergency.

When election stress, relationship conflict, or any other kind of tension starts taking over, the Adult can ask:

What seems to be the problem?

What are the facts?

What am I feeling?

What meaning am I adding?

What am I assuming about the other person?

What is within my control?

What response is most likely to help?

Those questions work when you see a political ad.

They also work when your spouse is angry.

They work when your teenager pushes back.

They work when your boss offers criticism.

They work when someone posts something online that makes your blood boil.

The setting changes.

The skill stays useful.

Politics Can Ask for Your Vote

Election season will keep getting louder.

Some messages may inspire you.

Some may make you angry.

Some may make you afraid.

Some may make you want to act.

You can care.

You can vote.

You can advocate.

You can disagree.

You can take your values seriously.

And you can remember:

Politics can ask for your vote. It does not automatically get your nervous system.

Political groups have messaging strategies.

So do families.

Countries need diplomacy.

So do couples.

Governments make policy.

So do we.

Nations decide where to put resources.

So do you every day when you decide where your attention, energy, time, and money will go.

Countries have conflict.

So do relationships.

And in both places, the way conflict is handled can shape what happens next.

Election Day will come and go.

You will still wake up responsible for your body.

Your thoughts.

Your relationships.

Your choices.

Your money.

Your time.

Your values.

Your future.

While everyone else is talking about who should govern the country, keep another question close:

How well am I governing me?

Counseling for Election Stress, Anxiety, and Relationship Conflict

Sometimes understanding a pattern is not enough to change it.

You may know something is outside your control and still feel anxious.

You may know that scrolling is making you miserable and still find yourself picking up the phone again.

You may know an argument is hurting an important relationship and still find yourself having the same argument next week.

That does not mean you have failed.

It may mean there is something worth understanding more carefully.

Counseling can provide a place to slow things down, make sense of what is happening, notice patterns, practice new skills, and decide what you want to do next.

Authentic Wellness & Empowerment provides counseling for adults, couples, teens, and families dealing with stress, anxiety, relationship conflict, communication problems, life changes, and personal growth.

Our role is not to tell you what to believe politically or personally.

It is to help you understand yourself more clearly, identify what matters to you, build skills that fit your life, and increase your capacity to make choices you can stand behind.

If you are looking for counseling in Erie, PA, online counseling in Pennsylvania or Ohio, help with anxiety or election stress, or couples counseling for communication and conflict, you are welcome to learn more about Authentic Wellness & Empowerment.

There is no requirement to have everything figured out before reaching out.

Sometimes the first step is simply deciding that something in your life deserves a little more attention.

Life’s an Adventure. Live it with clarity, courage, and the capacity to create the life you most want.

Visit EmpowermentErie.org to learn more about counseling and scheduling an appointment.